Novel!

Wow.

I just started crying based on something that one of my characters is going through. I wonder if this is typical, or if I really have turned into a sap in my old age...

Unlike real life, I have full control of the situation, but it is still unreal to think of creating pain.

If God is a divine architect (a concept of which I am not really certain), I can't even imagine...

Year In Review

2009 was a foundation year. Nothing glorious about basements and beams, but since I've been living in primordial ooze for the last ten years, it was quite the step up!

So what have I been doing?

Well, the rise and fall of the waist size. The latter is being accomplished by two things: working with the French Paradox (small portions of traditional foods + reasonable wine consumption = better circulation and less weight) and sheer laziness (but the pantry's twenty more steps!). And walking. Actually, not even walking. More like a stroll...

Slowing down. After the emboli and the accompanying issues, I entered into a state of panic. My life expectancy had become uncertain (yes, I can still buy a full carton of eggs, but what of that retirement plan?) and I started trying to cram everything in NOW since I have no guarantees. Unfortunately, I became sicker and exhausted to the point of being completely dysfunctional. Kind of ridiculous, huh? Priorities and choices - don't have it all figured out yet, but determining there is a problem in need of solutions is half the battle.

Enter the "Projecting" database! My head is a very cluttered place, and my only way to organize thoughts is to get them out. This nifty little thing keeps track of my hopes and dreams and most importantly, my progress in achieving them. Fun stuff!

Building. My community and legacy. Never too early for this.

Oh, and then the painting! And writing!

So it's been a year of behind-the-scenes work. But it's been a year of honest-to-God work, the likes of which had not been seen in about a decade.

Amazing!

Watch this space!

Computing capabilities have been restored. Huzzah!

I look forward to sharing my adventures with you.

Merry Christmastide to all!

4. I'm Just a Teenage Dirtbag, Baby.

I've been loving this change in the weather and especially turning the clocks back. The sun is already high in the sky when I'm leaving for work, brightly illuminating everything without blinding.

It's a tacit contract I have with the radio stations that on Friday at least one of them must be playing a high-energy, upbeat song at all times on my way to work. They generally comply. Today's song was a "classic" from college days - Wheatus' Teenage Dirtbag.

Driving along 23, I was thinking that while I would pay *you* money to go back to the college years, the same couldn't be said for high school. Or even grade school. Why is this?

Well, I know you'll be floored, but I was a huge loser! Nerdiest girl in the world!

"But Laura, this is still the case. Those shoes, those glasses, THAT HAIR! And let's not even get started on the questionable practice of yoga pants to work in lieu of dress slacks. What's next, trashbags?"

Possibly.

But, this is not about my love for comfortable and versatile clothing. No, this is about many perceiving themselves as "less than" due to others' requirements and their failure to meet them.

I spent YEARS trying to be a "greater" version of myself - trying to overcome my nerdiness by throwing myself into life of the party mode - the crazy lush with the best stories. The girl who was "above" being a wife and mother. I spent so much time trying to construct this identity that I completely lost myself and made others miserable in the process.

When it all came crashing down, I didn't even know which pieces to pick up because I really was that out of touch.

If you've trapped yourself in a similar way, I encourage you to do the following. Think back to the person you were at six - old enough to know some basic things, but young enough to still have your own pure instincts. Who is that person?

A reader? A climber? A Lego-builder?
Do you like outdoors or indoors?
What are your hobbies?
What do you like about yourself?
What do you like about others?
What influences and inspires you?
What books should I read?

And so on. Just have a lengthy conversation with your younger self, and I believe you will find yourself returning to your more authentic self. Returning to interview my late-80s self has been an invaluable experiment.

And no, I didn't bring you back any slap bracelets. Some things are best left buried under the sands of time.

3. All you need is love

One of the most popular readings for a wedding is from 1 Corinthians 13. I first discovered this text in high school, and immediately compared my boyfriend at the time to the ideals presented:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
(text taken from the New International Version at Bible Gateway)

Needless to say, he didn't match up. But then again, neither do we.

I was thinking about my beloved Eastlands this afternoon - a very earthy, utilitarian sort of shoe. The fashion-conscious among us greatly disapprove of their incorporation in my daily wardrobe. And then I started to think about the one person who honestly wouldn't care if I wore them to a wedding - my husband.

I often say: if you've seen the show House, you've met my husband. Let me just say you can strike most of verses 4-5 right now.

I often forget the second part. The rejection of evil and quest for the truth. Protection and perseverance. For all his flaws, he is the most steadfastly loyal person I have ever met.

The key is to go forward in love with the best of intentions and the best of ability.

Love never fails.

...and we're back!

Hello Gentle Readers,

The 95 Theses project has NOT been sent to Abandoned Projectland. My lappytop's screen has ceased to function. My son has benevolently lent me his laptop, though I am now forced to watch excessive amounts of TeenNick while typing. I will be spending the next week catching up on these posts and NaNoWriMo. (!)

Stay tuned...

2. As ever-evolving children, we will have dramatically different views as to what this means.

It's amazing that people relate at all given the diversity of experiences. Even children in the same family!

I was at my church's All Saints Day service, where I heard the names of eleven congregation members and two family members that died in the last year. It hurt, especially since my family members passed in such a short time that I really didn't get a chance to get used to the idea of them being gone. I was thinking about my friends celebrating Samhain this weekend, and how they were also recognizing their dead. The wall between Christianity and Paganism has always saddened me - we have so much to learn from one another!

I was baptized Catholic at three weeks old, confirmed at twelve. Since then, I've been an Agnostic, Pagan, Unitarian, and most recently, Lutheran. All of these different paths of faith have led me to invaluable realizations about myself, others, earth, life, and the nature of God.

As a Catholic, I learned about prayer, benevolence and persistence.
As an Agnostic, I learned to think and question.
As a Pagan, I learned respect for the Earth and its rhythms, as well as my fellow creatures.
As a Unitarian, I learned about other cultures and uniting themes within humanity.
As a Lutheran, I am learning about all of the above, plus singing. Lots of singing! ;-)

And that's just one person!

It is such a shame that divisions are encouraged and that people fear learning from their brothers and sisters. We all bring something to the table.

The Spirit of God moves in so many different ways.