I've been loving this change in the weather and especially turning the clocks back. The sun is already high in the sky when I'm leaving for work, brightly illuminating everything without blinding.
It's a tacit contract I have with the radio stations that on Friday at least one of them must be playing a high-energy, upbeat song at all times on my way to work. They generally comply. Today's song was a "classic" from college days - Wheatus' Teenage Dirtbag.
Driving along 23, I was thinking that while I would pay *you* money to go back to the college years, the same couldn't be said for high school. Or even grade school. Why is this?
Well, I know you'll be floored, but I was a huge loser! Nerdiest girl in the world!
"But Laura, this is still the case. Those shoes, those glasses, THAT HAIR! And let's not even get started on the questionable practice of yoga pants to work in lieu of dress slacks. What's next, trashbags?"
Possibly.
But, this is not about my love for comfortable and versatile clothing. No, this is about many perceiving themselves as "less than" due to others' requirements and their failure to meet them.
I spent YEARS trying to be a "greater" version of myself - trying to overcome my nerdiness by throwing myself into life of the party mode - the crazy lush with the best stories. The girl who was "above" being a wife and mother. I spent so much time trying to construct this identity that I completely lost myself and made others miserable in the process.
When it all came crashing down, I didn't even know which pieces to pick up because I really was that out of touch.
If you've trapped yourself in a similar way, I encourage you to do the following. Think back to the person you were at six - old enough to know some basic things, but young enough to still have your own pure instincts. Who is that person?
A reader? A climber? A Lego-builder?
Do you like outdoors or indoors?
What are your hobbies?
What do you like about yourself?
What do you like about others?
What influences and inspires you?
What books should I read?
And so on. Just have a lengthy conversation with your younger self, and I believe you will find yourself returning to your more authentic self. Returning to interview my late-80s self has been an invaluable experiment.
And no, I didn't bring you back any slap bracelets. Some things are best left buried under the sands of time.
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1 comment:
But i miss slap bracelets!
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