First Fourth, Part 2

The thing that really haunts me about the first portion of this year is the lack of follow-through in the face of obstacles.

Life is not Plinko. I should not be bouncing along aimlessly where dropped.

I must retrain myself to be resilient and to stay the course even when I meet resistance. Of course, changes are to be made if I discover that I am actually on the wrong path, but otherwise...strength and resilience!

First Fourth, Part 1

This year, I decided that each season I would look back see what I've been up to, in the hopes that knowledge will help me go forward...this is the first of several posts on the first quarter of this year.

The period "January through March" has been difficult, but less so than October-December 2009.

January began without any resolutions, but with much hope for this being an action year. Still struggling with depression and inertia, especially regarding the work situation, but I was starting to reconnect well with my family. Felt even more distant from some of my friends - when two groups are travelling in two different directions, it's difficult to find a place to meet. I wonder if they feel the same way...

Then, on the 22nd, I had my first severe bleeding incident. Right side facial numbness and paralysis, garbled speech, disorientation. Why did I used to like getting drunk? I can't imagine voluntarily doing that now!

I had been staying away from church for a while. Typical not being able to handle perfect people and their flawless lives. Then I remembered it was *my* church and people weren't like they were at other places. Here, they cared. I went back on the 28th.

February began quite stressfully - it always is with Joe's birthday and his issues with that day. For once, he was actually a happy Groundhog! I believe that was a first...Then, the health insurance! Let me just say that Chester County has gained a customer for life, and Phoenixville has lost one.

There was an epic amount of snow by SE PA standards - it became stressful only because of my work situation. My family and I quite enjoyed the winter weather! It really hit home that I need to find something either closer to home or much more flexible.

I spent a good bit of time watching the Olympics and realizing I love the Canadian National Anthem. It will be interesting to see what happens in Sochi...

Ah - and the high point of the month - dogsledding. I cannot even describe it. Just. Go!

And then - March. "'Twas the best of times, 'twas the worst of times". The earth and the air were wondrous, but this served to make me even more uncomfortable in the current work situation. I do not share the values of the corporation (both my current employer and the idea as a whole), and I wonder how long I can live with this struggle.

My husband graduates school in 438 days. I'm sure he will miss school, but I am also certain that life will improve once he is able to take the Breadwinner Burden off my back. I know we are both looking forward to it!

The Game of Life

We played two rounds yesterday. In the middle of the second, my son said "Hey Mom, once we reach retirement, we should have all of our kids play together!"

We got through our trials and triumphs, arriving at retirement, each with cars full of children. Then we pulled into the driveway.

"Come on, Mom, we're here! We've made it! Everyone out of the car!"

We swam in the lakes, jumped out (and around), had picnics, and our families had a great deal of peaceful fun with each other.

May it be this way for years to come.

Prairie Home Companion

If I could do one thing in life, it would be do produce a show as great as this one.

It is difficult to actually make something of one's English major training, but I am finding that if one is able to shake off the feelings of futility and inferiority, things can happen.

Good stuff.

What a difference a balanced INR makes - we're back in business over here!

Speaking of back in business, the time has come for me to sort through the chaotic piles of ideas and projects and determine what that means for me.

Connections, freelancing, health, identity.

Lots of decisions.

It's been a rough few weeks, but at least for today I am happy and relatively healthy. Except for the Joan Rivaaahs face. But that too shall pass.

Celebrate the Sabbath, Celebrate Life

The journey into relaxtion was quite surprisingly arduous - 8am found me nearly sleeping at the wheel on the drive to Church, planning something fun entailed a number of phone calls and conflicting schedules, and involved carrying a flailing boy to the car. Becoming more irritable by the minute, I was *this close* to giving up and going home to "Mt. Washmore". Some break!

I stayed the course. Arriving at the park and taking the cantankerous boy out of his carseat, my father and I started along the trails. In about two minutes, the child that "didn't want to go to this stupid park" went zooming down the trail: "I LOVE this place!". For the next hour and a half, we ascended and descended the various trails: walking along a creek bed, catching glimpses of chipmunks, and seeking a doe with her two children. This was a truly restorative place, despite the physical exhaustion. When it was time to leave, my son was crestfallen that he'd have to leave. We can't wait to return!

May God bless and give you peace and strength this week!

Ideas Worth Keeping

One of the best ideas I discovered for keeping track of those fleeting thoughts and dreams was one of Barbara Sher's - The Scanner's Daybook.

This daybook is not a mere journal or somewhere just to quickly blot stuff down, but it is somewhere to take those napkin thoughts and more fully develop them. I've had mine for over two years, and it's amazing to see the evolution of those ideas throughout time. Some things have been fully accomplished, others in a transitional state, and yet others are adventures still to be embarked upon.

Along with current entries, I will be interspersing some musings from my daybook. I find the daybook a great place to be alone with my thoughts, but then I discover some thoughts that aren't meant to be left alone.

God Works In VERY Mysterious Ways!

I decided to venture outside for my afternoon break, figuring it would be warm enough by then. It was beautiful fall weather, so I opted to cross the road to my favorite trail - twisty, hilly, and surrounded by trees. The birds were out in droves - flying south I suppose. A cacophony!

I had reached the bottom of the trail and the birds had flown over me - hundreds of them! A little voice told me "Wait here." At that moment, and about 100 feet away, the flock let go of their excess baggage. SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Yes, mysterious ways indeed!