Sink or Swim

I haven't been doing too well this summer on taking a break for the Sabbath, which is definitely rendering me way ineffective during the week. So, following my own advice, I made certain to take Joey to the pool Sunday afternoon. We love it there!

He has been bugging me to take the Swim Test for months. He is a good swimmer, but I wasn't too certain that he could pass: swimming a lap, floating on his back, treading water in the deep end for a minute. My skinny little guppy? Who'd just started putting his head in the water this season? I really wasn't expecting much. But, knowing that he had people there to support him, I encouraged him to try.

I stood there by the pool where he successfully gained a yellow band - allowing him independent swimming privileges in safer parts of the pool. Then they allowed him to take the test for the oh-so-coveted green band, which allow him to go diving and sliding into deep water. The kids with their brand new yellow bands gleefully skipped over to take the second part of the test.

The other parents swarmed in, a bit too over-enthusiastic in rooting on their children. A bit distracting I found. I stood in watch, ready to jump in if I began to see my little one struggle.

But he didn't.

As the other children began to sink down or reach for the wall, my little guppy persevered with great strength and consistency. I was in awe! As the countdown for the last ten seconds began, I looked for him to tire as all but one other had. But he didn't!

By giving him room to achieve his goal, the win was all that much sweeter. Some children are raised with high expectations, and some with lower ones. Many of both groups have struggled to keep their heads above water as adults. So which set of expectations should I use for my child? I'm starting to see the answer is somewhere in between: love them, encourage them to pursue their goals, keep expectations reasonable and give them the space to grow.

Celebrate the Sabbath, Celebrate Life

The journey into relaxtion was quite surprisingly arduous - 8am found me nearly sleeping at the wheel on the drive to Church, planning something fun entailed a number of phone calls and conflicting schedules, and involved carrying a flailing boy to the car. Becoming more irritable by the minute, I was *this close* to giving up and going home to "Mt. Washmore". Some break!

I stayed the course. Arriving at the park and taking the cantankerous boy out of his carseat, my father and I started along the trails. In about two minutes, the child that "didn't want to go to this stupid park" went zooming down the trail: "I LOVE this place!". For the next hour and a half, we ascended and descended the various trails: walking along a creek bed, catching glimpses of chipmunks, and seeking a doe with her two children. This was a truly restorative place, despite the physical exhaustion. When it was time to leave, my son was crestfallen that he'd have to leave. We can't wait to return!

May God bless and give you peace and strength this week!

Ideas Worth Keeping

One of the best ideas I discovered for keeping track of those fleeting thoughts and dreams was one of Barbara Sher's - The Scanner's Daybook.

This daybook is not a mere journal or somewhere just to quickly blot stuff down, but it is somewhere to take those napkin thoughts and more fully develop them. I've had mine for over two years, and it's amazing to see the evolution of those ideas throughout time. Some things have been fully accomplished, others in a transitional state, and yet others are adventures still to be embarked upon.

Along with current entries, I will be interspersing some musings from my daybook. I find the daybook a great place to be alone with my thoughts, but then I discover some thoughts that aren't meant to be left alone.

Full of Won't

My job has become increasingly stressful, due to the lack of work and intensely negative attitudes. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude, but unfortunately have fallen into quite a rut. Overconsumption (my poor waistline!) and oversleeping.

I've truly gotten to the point where I can't do this anymore (which is good) but am too emotionally weak to seek out viable alternatives (bad, very bad).

This morning found me hiding under my pillow, paralyzed by fear, running late again. My son kept calling out to me, "Mom, GET UP! You are going to be late again."

"But I can't. I can't do it. I don't have the will anymore. I'm full of won't!"

Well, I did get up, got my son ready, and got out the door (late). Toxic attitude still present and accounted for. Work miserable as ever, I went outside to breathe, hoping that real air might do me some good. Laying back in my car, trying to disperse this pervasive sense of doom, I realized:

Won't is not "can't". It's also not "shouldn't". It's simply a refusal. I've been saying no to a better life for quite some time and didn't even realize it.

Thank you, God, for the crack in the wall I begged for this morning!

The Biz

Yesterday, I briefly touched upon the concept of going into business myself. My long-term goal is to be a SAHM with supplementary income coming from my creative endeavors. Last year, I began to explore paper crafts (specifically bookmaking) followed by a journey into quilting. I've discovered through the years that I am more of an artisan rather than an artist, which I guess makes sense considering my graphic design background.

I'm still thinking of an inspirational place where people can come and purchase fairly-priced, high-quality items. Things that would enhance lives and surroundings rather than take up space.

One word for the future, kid. Fabrics.

As I get into quilting, I'm coming to realize "Hey, I can sew!"

What does this mean? In the short term, that I can decrease my reliance on big box stores for items that neither fit or flatter. I can control my clothing choices if I take the initiative.

Then thinking about my initiative (and the complete and total lack thereof) I began to think about how this acceptance of "take whatever is best from the big box" mindset has come to dominate my life - certainly since college, possibly since the beginning. Oh sure, I SEE other choices scattered about and even ruminate about them, but in the end, they get tossed back into the "To Do At Some Later Point When Life Is Ideal" pile. Then I go back to the big box of things that I do not like and that do not fit and begin to futily rummage again.

Well, maybe the time IS now. If I can fit in quilting - with all its scraps, details, and complexities - why not start working on the business? Why NOT start creating the life I wish to have?

Why be afraid of failure? I fail every day when I show up at this worthless job. When I give into mediocrity. When I fall into bitterness, self-hatred, and despair. Wouldn't it be better, as Joyce Meyer said, to stumble and "fail forward" than to simply fail? I would certainly learn more for the journey. Baby steps along the right path...

I can control my destiny if I just take the initiative!

God Works In VERY Mysterious Ways!

I decided to venture outside for my afternoon break, figuring it would be warm enough by then. It was beautiful fall weather, so I opted to cross the road to my favorite trail - twisty, hilly, and surrounded by trees. The birds were out in droves - flying south I suppose. A cacophony!

I had reached the bottom of the trail and the birds had flown over me - hundreds of them! A little voice told me "Wait here." At that moment, and about 100 feet away, the flock let go of their excess baggage. SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Yes, mysterious ways indeed!